My mind was yelling “No, stop this madness” during the first two miles while my body was saying “This feels good.” Even lefty, my knee, was telling me it was going to be a good run. The mind always wins, I had decided during mile one that I was going to finish with 2 miles and call it a day. Then…
Around the middle of the 2nd mile I started thinking about something someone told me over 8 years ago in high school, “You’re fat and lazy. Paying for a gym membership would be a waste of money, you’d never go.”
Well, they were right about the second part. Only because I prefer to run outdoors and not on a treadmill!
This sentiment has resounded with me over the past 8 years. I have not been able to fully let it go. It used to make me angry, upset and feel hopeless before I started exercising 6 years ago. Then it motivated me to change. Now, it simply pops up as a reminder to not to give up.
As I thought about this incident, I kept running. I had decided to run 4 or 5 miles, looping around a circle in my neighborhood. Then as each mile passed, the words just kept on repeating. Soon enough, my mind was saying “Who’s fat and lazy now?” (hint: he is)
My body was saying the same thing! I was in sync, mind and body.
I channeled this anger to use it to motivate me. I was out and sweaty already, why not just complete what I needed to get done, which was a 7 mile long run. Did I want to be a runner, or just tell people I was? I have been putting off my mileage for the past few weeks since I’ve come back from the west coast. It was time to step it up a little. With lefty feeling good, it was the best time to do so.
By the 7th mile, I was reminded why it is that I run in the first place. It’s not anger at this person or this sentiment that motivates me. It’s not to get back at anyone or prove them wrong. I was visited by the ever coveted RUNNERS HIGH!
This last mile, had I not run it, I wouldn’t have felt the joy and reason why I run. I ran the last 1/2 mile with a huge smile on my face, higher than a kite. Passers by looked at me quizzically. All the angry feelings had dissipated to find me basking in the cloudy, rainy day with a smile and sweat dripping down my face.
So, I thank this person for being cruel to me so many years ago. I was able to use that to motivate me in a new way, in order to come to the conclusion of why I run.
I run for the joy and fun of it. I run for nothing other than the chance to yet again feel a Runner’s High!
Running is my private time to meditate on life and change myself one step at a time.
I run for me and no one else.
Workout:
- Type: Run
- Date: 11/08/2008
- Time: 09:00:00
- Total Time: 1:25:00.00
- Distance: 7 miles
- Average Pace: 12:08.74/mile
