Kate

I’m feeling rather lazy since it has gotten darker so much earlier. I don’t want to drive to the gym nor can I run alone outside at night. I’m just feeling like a bum! I will have to try harder to motivate myself, instead of “rearranging” my workouts to give me more days off.

Plus, I haven’t got a chance in hell of winning any of the Brooks Run Happy Challenge groups. I’m still trying, but seeing the hours, miles and calories other superhumans have put in… it’s not happening. I’ll be lucky if I can achieve 300 miles in a few months of running, let alone two weeks!

Hopefully I’ll stop eating halloween candy and run tomorrow! My semi-six-pack reappeared after my 8 mile run. Now, only if I could keep up the good work and not spoil it with those tasty little chocolate morsels called Heath bars! It’s slowly disappearing…

I forgot to mention the other day at the gym I got my body fat taken. I used a similar electric hand held machine back in April 2007 when I ran my first half marathon. I was 17% body fat at that time, not that I truly trusted the little gadget.

At the gym this time around, I’m at 21% body fat. It’s cool, the best is to be around 25% or lower for women. So, I’m right on target, but I’d like it to be lower. I really would love to have less body fat and more muscle or just less mass overall. I don’t think looking at pictures of Keira Knightly or Victoria Beckham helps any… I have to stop reading gossip blogs…

Today it’s raining. I’ve been pretty distressed the past week and today is no different. I haven’t written much here because I don’t want to sound like “Debbie Downer” as my husband refers to me at various times (see: character from SNL).  So, I’m not going to get into much, other than the fact that I’m down in the dumps and not sure how to pull myself out at this point.

I haven’t had any real interest in working out in the gym the past few weeks. I’d rather exercise at home in the mornings, whether it be lifting or yoga or running.  This is great, but I’m still going to pay for the gym anyway. I’ve wanted to quit it before, but it’s kind of an insurance policy. Luckily, my gym only costs $20 a month.

Therefore, once the cold weather comes (and I no longer have an interest in outdoor/home workouts) I can use it more often and not feel guilty about not using it so much when the weather is still decent out. I’ll get back there soon enough, I’m sure. Just for now, I’m stressing out and don’t feel like leaving the comfort of my home.

As for today, I’m heading home from work soon and plan to do squats, lunges, stretching and some upper body work. I am stressed to the point where I might even just go for a run in the rain to sort things out for myself. I need to do something…

Hopefully I’ll be in better spirits soon! I did donate to StandUp2Cancer and bought a t-shirt that says “In Memory Of” for my dad who passed away this March. The weird thing is that their website has been changing daily and now they don’t even offer the same shirt I bought a few days ago. I hope I get the right item, otherwise I’m not going to be happy!

…but little was accomplished. I was watching US Open tennis last night, therefore I felt like I was exercising for hours! Gosh, after watching all those Olympic sports last week and mentally competing myself, I was sure I had lost some weight from exercising almost 24 hours a day… Sadly, I never physically moved a muscle and gained a few pounds. Impossible!

The Olympics and grand-slam tennis usually motivate me to exercise more, not less. Lately, they’ve had the opposite effect. When will they invent the ability to *think* about exercise and have that just be enough to keep in shape?! Yeah, I have been lazy, I have to find a way to motivate myself and get off the couch. So far, little has worked and I’ve been more tired as the days continue. I’m not sleeping well, which could be a reason for such a drag of my feet on this issue…

Instead of hitting the gym yesterday after work, I headed home to “exercise outdoors”. That never happened, but I squeaked out some forward and back lunges as well as 3 sets of squats and some shoulder lateral raises. Very lame! I really have to stop skipping the gym for the great outdoors, because I go home and sit down… never to make it outdoors anyway!

Do the Olympics motivate you to workout harder or just sit back and relax?
I wonder if the effect the elite athletes are having on me is me realizing I’ll never be that good, so unconsciously I’ve stopped trying at all. What I have to remind myself is that there are tons of people out there running who do it just because they can or love it, not to be the best. I’ve got to follow their lead… and get off the couch, as well as get better sleep!

Workout:

• Type: Strength Training
• Date: 08/26/2008
• Time: 18:00:00
• Total Time: 00:15:00.00

I have been off from work all week, which has been nice. Unfortunately, instead of working out like I had planned, I’ve spent all of one day at home this week. Just today. We’ve been out everywhere, to relatives and even to other states. I’m kind of upset, I’ve gained weight and I feel it and see it when I put on jeans, etc… I’m annoyed with myself. It’s my own fault.

Today I attempted a short run with new running shoes I just bought at the Adidas outlet. They are lightweight, so I’m going to have to take it easy in them until I build up foot/leg strength to keep my knee healthy. Chris rode by next to me on his bike, with Bambi in the basket.

Poor Bambi, she decided to jump from the bike (she’s never done that when I am riding) and landed on her side. She has a scrape on her butt which I have to wash. Luckily, she seems to be doing okay other than the scrape. This week has been a horrible week for her. She had some good tasty steak juices on her food on Monday… this led to two days of vomitting and diarhea. Then, she had to go get her nails cut, which she absolutely hates. I have to muzzle her and squeeze her tight to keep her still while they do it at the pet store. The next day, she had to see the vet for her yearly vaccines. Shots, blood taken, exams… She’s had a rough week and tomorrow she’s getting a bath I guess dogs have bad weeks too, but she sure seems to be bouncing back easily from it all.

Maybe I could learn something from Bambi. I’ve gained weight, I’m upset and feeling like I’m getting nowhere. I just have to live like her a pick myself back up. I’ve been eating out all week, eating junky and not on a schedule. Each day I just have to keep starting over and one of these days it’ll all stick.

Have a good night or morning…

Workout:

• Type: Run
• Date: 08/22/2008
• Time: 19:00:00
• Total Time: 00:20:00.00
• Distance: 1 miles
• Average Pace: 20:00/mile

I want to be more physically active. I want to run more, lift more and have more energy. Lately, I have taken to writing down everything I eat and counting calories = bad idea. I never really did this back in 2002 when I first decided to make some life changes and lose weight. So, why do I feel like I need to count calories and restrict in order to do this now? Stupid media… well right this minute, I’m done with it. This article reminded me of my philosophy that worked so well in 2002-2003 for me to lose weight and also worked well for the past 5+ years to maintain my weight loss and my activity. Since I’ve written down my food intake since January, I’ve gained 5lbs…

I don’t need to count calories. I tend to eat A LOT more when I do. Our kitchen is torn apart, we’re re-doing it this week due to a broken dishwasher. Anyway, I haven’t had the counter space to keep out my calorie journal. So, I decided to skip writing in it this week. I have only done this since January, and boy it sucks! What a stupid idea I had… so yesterday I noticed after counting up in my head while laying in bed, I ate at least 300-500 less calories throughout the day than if I were to write it all down. I think I tend to become more ravenous and stressed over food when I pay attention to it by writing it down.

So, from here on out, I hope to relieve my stress, rest my weary mind and let go of calorie counting. It never worked for me before 2002 and it won’t work for me now. There is no point to dieting, not that I counted it as a diet (because my calories never decreased!). I never dieted to lose weight and I stand by my claim. Even just writing this out right now makes me relax, feel relief and less hungry…

My goal… not to worry about calories, but eat to feel energized. Make the healthier choice, natural non-processed foods, and listen to my body, not tv, books or anyone else. Just thinking about going back to ‘who I was’ a few short months ago feels amazing! My energy level has increased from feeling lazy and exhausted, to being mentally aware and happy.

It’s amazing what reading something can remind you of…

Thanks for your comments to my last post, they really helped lift my spirits. I can be rather tough on myself for any minor infractions. I think part of that reason is that I’m always afraid of falling back into the habits I had 6 years ago when I didn’t exercise and ate too much junk. I have always had this fear that if I miss too many days or eat poorly, the old me will return. I have to remind myself that it’s not possible anymore to become that person. I’m too far to this side of the health spectrum to ever go back, and that’s that!

I want to drop a few pounds over the next month and half to get my miles up and my joint-poundage-pressure down when running. I recently went up to 137.8lbs over the past 6 months (from about 131-2lbs). So, I have made it a goal to eat more responsibly and shoot for around 2lbs a week to lose.

This week, I’m happy to say even after my chocolate-wine incident last night, I’m down to 135.8lbs. It’s a start. While in the past I would haven’t said I’ve lost anything until I’ve gotten down to my usual 132lbs, but you know what… I worked hard this week on my nutrition so yes, I lost 2lbs dammit!

On to the weekend… a wedding, hopefully I will become an aunt for the first time and then some good miles with K-dot. And next week… another 2lbs to lose somewhere… hopefully somewhere I’ll never find them again!

Health:

• Date: 04/18/2008
• Weight: 135.8
• Mood: Normal
• Sleep Hours: 9
• Sleep Pattern: Normal

After reading some blogs lately and thinking about my journey to health in the past 6 years, I came to one interesting conclusion (of many) about a friendship that always bothered me. Weight changes you and it changes those around you even more. As I lost weight in 2002 and beyond, I lost many close friends and had to embark on new friendships. Some friends I had for years, while overweight, no longer were interested in me once I became healthy and happier. I look back now and think… they were skinny & decent, I was just the ‘fat friend’ who made them look better! Or maybe there was another reason for our friendship, like my lack of insanity like their other friends?

One such friend I realized had completely left me by the wayside once I had lost 20lbs and had found love with Chris. We were pretty close I though, but then next time I saw her in the mall, she avoided me. Chris caught it, I just ignored her. It was rather comical! All of this changed in a mere 4-5 months. One month, she’s visiting me at college, the next she ignores me. Amazing!

It was interesting to review those times and realize that it wasn’t anything I did. She was always skinny, ate whatever, never exercised and had a rather large chest (still all the same!). She also was always unhappy with any man she was with, no matter what they did. She would even try to make me unhappy, when I found happiness. I had even told Chris that I needed to back away from the friendship, because even after a few hours together, I’d find myself getting angry with Chris for no reason at all!

Looking back, I find that I hadn’t done anything wrong. Here was a person who only liked me when I wasn’t prettier than her. I had lost weight and I believe I was beautiful when overweight and even more beautiful now. I have a natural beauty, without makeup or anything. I don’t want to sound conceeded, but sometimes you have to accept and love what God has given you. I know I have been given a gift from God, whereas so many others have not. I am truly thankful for it!

I’m not sure why I am posting about this, but I just found it a weird occurence in life. I had a close friend, who loved me when unhappy and overweight, but once happy and healthy, wanted little to do with me. This wasn’t the only person, there were many others. But, this was one person whom I’m now “friends” with on MySpace. I hope for the best for them, but find while I have changed, they have remained the same. I am glad this friendship ended, it helped me grow beyond the past, unlike the other person.

Friendships come and go for good reason. I believe people come into our lives to help us through a certain time and if they are needed throughout life, they’ll hold on to that. I’m only still friends with 2 people from high school. Two of whom I wasn’t really close friends with in high school, but just mere friends. Many of the ‘best friends’ or ‘popular’ people are not my friends and ceased to be once I became someone in college.

One of the people I’m still friends with, and best friends I’d say, is awesome, getting married this year and has been an amazing friend through thick and thin. She has been with me throughout the past 10 years… I can’t believe it’s been that long!

So, as I move on from this position to a new one… I will bring a friend or two along with me in my journey of life, but many others will fade away. They were needed for certain times, but no longer needed in my life. It’s okay. I’ve come to accept through life changes that friendships change, ebb and flow. Some people move on, others stick with you. Either way, I’ll be okay and I look forward to the new friendships to come.

Today is my big interview. I’m hopeful, excited and look forward to a new opportunity. I hope they offer it to me!

Also, today I’m going to go for a run afterwards. The weather is warmer and gorgeous out today. I haven’t run for a long time and I hope today is the start of a regular routine again. I’m going to go for a mile and see how my knee is. I am going to wear the orthotics I bought too, they helped walking on the treadmill the other day. If I think positive… I think I can make this happen.

Sadly, I’m still at 136.8lbs, but I hope a week of running will help to change that number. I want to see my muscles in more definition, I know they are there!

Wish me luck!