Kate

I realize that if I want my dreams to come true, my goals to be realized… I will need to ignore everyone I love.

Well, maybe not that extreme, but I will have to ignore the remarks, comments, sarcasm or guilt trips from family and friends. Over the past month, I’ve heard such things as, “you can take a day off eating your protein” ~ “I know you are in training, but it won’t kill you to have a brownie” ~ “eww, you eat that protein stuff for dessert” or I especially like ~ “have a beer, it’s good for you“.

I want to become a female natural figure competitor. I was a runner and most people came to understand that after 6 years of beating it into their heads. Although, some still didn’t understand. I miss running; I miss a lot of things. I want to keep running while attempting a new goal.

I never had to follow careful eating habits with running. I ate whatever, but tried to keep it healthy. Everyone knew me to be a health-nut, but I still could have some wine or party like the rest of them. Bodybuilding goals take more patience and stricter changes to achieve real results. I want to be different, therefore, I cannot eat or workout like everyone else… then I’ll just be everyone else ~ which is not my goal.

So, the next time someone questions me, or more importantly when I question myself… I’m going to think “if I want to eat like everyone else, then I’ll look like everyone else and that’s not my goal“.

I tend to question myself more than anyone else does. I always worry how I’m going to eat at a BBQ or a party, or will people think I’m crazy. I am crazy, I just have to accept that fact The second a comment is made, I feel like shrinking away and hiding. Why is that? I was such a confident, strong-willed crazy person… over the past year or two I’ve felt more like hiding away and hope to reemerge with huge changes. I have to stand tall and make a change for myself, not hide and hope someone will do it for me. This just isn’t a reality… where are my guts?!
I will not be ready for a show in September, as I wanted to do originally. I have decided to go see that show to see how things work. The next show is in April 2009, so then I’ll have a lot of time to prepare and work even harder than I am now.

Summer BBQ’s, parties, birthdays and all sorts of things could be used as my excuse for not making this goal a reality this fall. These are all just excuses, because I could have kept to a strict plan throughout the summer. I just didn’t realize the amount of thought and preparation that came with this type of thing and let myself off the hook. I feel my change on the horizon. I feel similar to how I felt when the switch flipped in 2002 and I went from the couch to running races for the first time. My mind is made up and I’m not stopping this time.

This is my shot to do something for myself and feel proud that I can achieve what I set my mind to. And to show all those haters that I can do it, well the haters in my mind, I’m not quite sure I have any ‘real’ haters. But if I did, you’d be sure that I’d show ‘em!

I am prepared now though to make some tough strides, further than I went in the first month, to change. It’ll have to be in little steps, but it will be… starting now… starting now… no really, right now!

What a workout! I skipped my Wednesday night lower body workout, so I combined both days yesterday. It wasn’t easy, but I made it through.

This week has been a little off in my workouts and eating. I think I’ve skipped/pushed back two workouts, which led me to a long weight session yesterday. If I didn’t do that, I’d be shot for the week. Today, no clothes to hit the gym after work, but I’m hoping for sunshine and a nice bike ride with Bambi later. I’m sure she’ll like it!

Next week I need to keep working on adding more cardio to my routine, as well as not giving in to the ease of just eating like everyone else. I did well last week doing 1/2 hour cardio in 15 minute spurts before/after lifting. That helped me get my cardio in without feeling bored. I think I’ve come to like lifting (some days, not all) because it takes constant thought. I haven’t run much and worry about the monotony. I do miss the solitude of a good run… maybe I’ll bike and run later?

My mind has just been a garbled confused mess lately. Nothing major happening, but some things juggling around in my head. I haven’t felt like I have time to sit with my thoughts. I’ve got to work on more YOGA this and next week too.

So… what isn’t there for me to work on?

I’m always a work in progress and I’m okay with that.

Workout:

• Type: Strength Training
• Date: 07/17/2008
• Time: 12:00:00
• Total Time: 1:20:00.00

So far, in the past 4 1/2 weeks since tackling bodybuilding as a new passion I’ve lost 5lbs (138 to 133 lbs), I’ve increased my weights and have made my goal of 6+ hours of exercise a week. In addition, I’ve fine tuned my eating habits and have felt wonderful from doing so. I’ve changed them to something I can live with forever. I understand many bodybuilders ‘cut’ before shows, but I want to be able to find a lifestyle that I can stay steady with. I might change a few things weeks ahead of a show, but right now I want to concentrate on just eating well to enhance my workouts, not go against them.

This week I’ve already complete 7 hours of exercise and have another bike ride ahead of me tomorrow. For some extremists, this isn’t as much as them, but for me = awesome! It’s always great to see some results and start to achieve your goals!

Today begins my journey. So far, I’ve learned I’m doing it all wrong! Well, not everything, but some things.  Here’s what I’ve learned:

I need to run shorter distance races, because the longer the distance the more the body eats its muscle. This isn’t optimum for weight building. So, I’m glad I didn’t pay for the 10-miler yet and I’ll look to do 5-mile races instead.

I need to have about .75g per lb of body weight in carbs & protein, 30% fat. Also, my friend suggested taking in more carbs earlier in the day and finishing off with protein (with protein still being evenly spread throughout the day). I had a lot of protein for breakfast and few carbs in the form of a banana.

Today I’m going to come up with various meal plans to get myself into the right groove. I hate keeping track of food, so if I can come up with some solid meal plans, I can stick with those and hope to skip the food journal. I will need to keep a log of measurements, weight and also of my workouts. I’ve already got a few weeks covered of how I’m going to workout.

Lessons are always there to be learned. I’m sure I’ll learn A LOT more throughout this journey. Right now though, I need some more water!

I hope! I have been talking with the college friend, through email, whom I wrote about yesterday. She has inspired me greatly to take strides toward figure competitions. I cannot afford a trainer right now, so I’m going to do it alone. I have taken many courses in physical fitness, strength training and also nutrition. It’s a whole new world with body building, but hey ~ I learned the “running” world of terminology and how to train for races, avoid injury, etc… Why can’t I learn this? See, I can

Everything we learn practically comes from a book and I’m a librarian! Great combination

I’ve found a competition I’d like to be in; in September. My friend suggests giving myself at least 12 weeks to prepare the first time around. This one gives me 13 weeks which is perfect. Also, I still plan to run, which fits into this lifting plan as high-impact cardio 1x a week for the long run and 2x a week for shorter easier runs. It’ll work out, because I’ll make it. My main issue is going to be figuring out the right nutrition choices to keep my energy levels up for this.

My goals have been focused:
Run longer, slower races =  ability to Body Build/Compete

I don’t mind running slower (10-11min/mile). I enjoy taking my time and would rather spend $20 on a 10-mile race than $35 on a 5k. I am not fast and don’t find much enjoyment out of 5k’s or even less than 10-mile races since I know I can accomplish so much more. Also, I end up in the back of the pack, which is okay, but not for me. I don’t mind cruising through a 10-mile+ race, but sprinting and losing horribly in a 5k is no longer my bag.

When you lift a lot to gain muscle, obviously my running will slow. So, with my change and focused goals, I am still achieving things but I am able to work in both things I love to do!

…more to come in my world of constant change…

I’ve been very busy this week! Too busy in fact to actually put in good time at the gym or outdoors. I’ve mentioned before we’re re-doing our kitchen. So, after work I have arrived home to work on this project till the wee-hours of the night. Okay, til about 11pm, but that’s late for me. If we’re not working on this project, I’m doing various other things for friends and family. Tonight I’m taking baby announcement pictures for my brother and his wife’s new addition, Ayla!

I have wanted to go back to a 6am exercise regimen, but haven’t been able to get up in the mornings. A few years ago I had no issue getting up at 6am and working out before work, especially during the late spring and summer when the sun is ready to wake me earlier than that! So, I’ve wanted to get back into this type of routine, so therefore I can enjoy my summer evenings at home relaxing.

I have been getting 9-10 hours of sleep a night. I am starting to think this is too much. I have been going to bed around 10pm and struggle to get up at 7am (usually snoozing til 7:30am). This is unlike me. So, last night we were working on the kitchen till 11pm. I also set my alarm for 6:30am this morning. So that gives me 7 1/2 hours for last night. I woke up, after snoozing till 7am, feeling awake and refreshed. I think if I can set my bedtime hours to limit myself to about 8 hours of sleep, that is optimal for my body. Any less, I’m terribly grump. Any more, I’m terribly exhausted.

What does this mean? This weekend and into next week I’m going to work towards getting up at 6:30am so I can do yoga in my bedroom. Once I am on a roll, then I’ll look to exercise more outside or at the gym during the morning.

The sun has got it’s hat on,

hip hip hip hooray!

(one of my dad’s favorite songs)

I want to be more physically active. I want to run more, lift more and have more energy. Lately, I have taken to writing down everything I eat and counting calories = bad idea. I never really did this back in 2002 when I first decided to make some life changes and lose weight. So, why do I feel like I need to count calories and restrict in order to do this now? Stupid media… well right this minute, I’m done with it. This article reminded me of my philosophy that worked so well in 2002-2003 for me to lose weight and also worked well for the past 5+ years to maintain my weight loss and my activity. Since I’ve written down my food intake since January, I’ve gained 5lbs…

I don’t need to count calories. I tend to eat A LOT more when I do. Our kitchen is torn apart, we’re re-doing it this week due to a broken dishwasher. Anyway, I haven’t had the counter space to keep out my calorie journal. So, I decided to skip writing in it this week. I have only done this since January, and boy it sucks! What a stupid idea I had… so yesterday I noticed after counting up in my head while laying in bed, I ate at least 300-500 less calories throughout the day than if I were to write it all down. I think I tend to become more ravenous and stressed over food when I pay attention to it by writing it down.

So, from here on out, I hope to relieve my stress, rest my weary mind and let go of calorie counting. It never worked for me before 2002 and it won’t work for me now. There is no point to dieting, not that I counted it as a diet (because my calories never decreased!). I never dieted to lose weight and I stand by my claim. Even just writing this out right now makes me relax, feel relief and less hungry…

My goal… not to worry about calories, but eat to feel energized. Make the healthier choice, natural non-processed foods, and listen to my body, not tv, books or anyone else. Just thinking about going back to ‘who I was’ a few short months ago feels amazing! My energy level has increased from feeling lazy and exhausted, to being mentally aware and happy.

It’s amazing what reading something can remind you of…

I took the past two days off from working out. My stomach has been a bit crampy and upset… it’s that time. I have also been stressing out a little, but I feel a lot better now. I’ve got a plan to tackle what is ahead of me: student loan debt! I can’t wait to pay this off. It has been years in the making, but I’ve got a few more years of heavy paying to go. I’ve been reading a lot of financial blogs and believe I have finally worked up the courage to really pay this off and stop spending money on stupid gadgets all the while worrying about this debt. I won’t have all the little extras in life, but I’ll have a peace of mind a lot sooner… to be debt free (aside from a mortgage!). One book I’m going to get from the library which gave me the courage just from reading other bloggers is The Total Money Makeover, by Dave Ramsey. It’s a good place to start to sort out life’s debts. Chris is on board too!

I have also put my yoga mat in our bedroom. I haven’t been too successful getting back into my practice of 60 minute sessions watching Inhale with Steve Ross yet. I hope they come out with a DVD for his show, then I can watch it upstairs in the mornings. Anyway, I have put the mat in our bedroom so I will take a few minutes before jumping into bed to stretch and calm myself. Then in the morning, while I have been watching the Today show getting ready, I’ll take a few moments to wake-up and stretch. This is a good start I believe to getting back into a longer practice.

Tonight I’ll be hitting the gym for 2 workout sessions. I’ve got to do upper body from Tuesday and then lower body is on the schedule for today. The way I had my weeks outlined were making me exercise 7 days a week. I can’t handle that schedule mentally or time-wise, physically I am sure I could. I need a day or two off a week. So, I’ve worked in 4 days of alternate weight lifting, with 20 mins cardio on each day. Hopefully those 20 min cardio sessions will be some running. Then on Sunday’s I’ll be prepared for the runs with K-dot. I haven’t been running much at all, I’ve been enamored with lifting and my bicycle. I love that thing!

Ohh… update on the bike too! I had bought a motorcycle cover for the bike a few weeks ago. It worked well, but after the 2nd rain and gusting winds… my bike was soaked and the cover took off like a kite! So, I returned it. I have found that I can keep my bike indoors in my living room off to the side for now. If it’s nice out, I can lock it up outside. Otherwise, in my living room it stays. I was trying to avoid this, but it’s okay. It’s a constant reminder to get out and ride, while I’m watching tv.

Another goal to tackle, aside from lifting + cardio and 5 days a week from 7 days… is cutting back on my calories. I’ve been eating out a lot from Friday-Sunday and that’s not doing me any good. While I doubt I’m gaining weight, I do feel sluggish. So, I’m cutting back 5 days a week, with 2 days being random higher calorie days to keep my body guessing.

While I have goals for my financial progress, I also have the same wishes with my physical progress. The only one who has been stopping me from achieving my goals financially and physically has been me. So, I’m stepping out of my own way, exhaling my fears and tackling this all head on… only when I face myself and these truths and goals, can I really make a difference and be who I want to be. Fears kept me back from many things, but no longer…

(If you’re wondering fears of what… being afraid of putting all my money towards a loan, except an emergency fund. It’s a big deal to go on a strict budget… and also being afraid of working out and looking great only to become overweight and horrible feeling after giving birth to children. I can’t be afraid to pay back debt I created! I can’t be afraid to be healthy & fit and have that ruined by children ~ they won’t ruin it, only I can make that decision. I have that choice to get back on track, be healthy before, during and most importantly after having children. I’ve got to block this fear that having children will make me fat and return to my former lazy self… there is no heading back there!)

Thanks for listening, i.e. reading

Workout:

• Type: Flexibility
• Date: 05/15/2008
• Time: 07:00:00
• Total Time: 00:20:00.00